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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Singapore Short Story Draft 2

Hello everyone!

This is my Singapore Short Story Draft 2! Hope you will enjoy it:

Singapore Short Story Draft 2
"Becoming of Singapore"
Done by: Mervin Lim

"The world is going to end today!" the news reporter in the television exclaimed. I sat on my sofa, with a bag of chips in my hand, and smirked. This is ridiculous. The scientists have predicted that the earth will end in 2000, but it did not. They then said it would end in 2012, and still it did not. Why will I then believe that it ever is going to happen?
I looked out of the window. The sky is as blue as ever, with magnolia white clouds dotted across the sky.

"Nothing. Nothing, can happen on such a typical Sunday morning. " I thought to myself.

I felt certain that the world will not just end like that. Whatever happens to the rest of the world, Singapore will never be affected. Singapore has a fantastic geographical location, being surrounded by Malaysia and Indonesia. If any Tsunami or Earthquake is going to try destroy Singapore, it will first have to rage past Malaysia and Indonesia, and by then it would have exhausted all its energy.

My eyes were getting weary, and I got sick of talking to myself about the news. I switched off the television and went back to my room, away from the goggle box. I switched on the radio, and lay on my cozy bed. I tried to fall asleep, but to no avail. In the end, I resorted to staring at the ceiling, watching the fan spin. My holidays have been really boring and monotonous, and I was only able to eat, sleep, and play. I really need something exciting and new to cheer me up, but I cannot think of any at the moment.

The time was passing too slowly. I took out my literature book and dragged myself back to bed. The only way to spent time effectively, and at the same time, help me to fall asleep, was to read this 1034 paged literature book. It is just like killing two birds with one stone! I slouched on my bed, and started reading the book, page by page. Soon, unknowingly, I entered my wonderland...

"BANG! BOOM!BANG!" Loud, resounding noises jolted me out of my deep slumber, followed by loud shrieks and cries for help. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. What is happening? I yawned and thought to myself. I walked towards the window, and looked out.

What I witnessed made me stand transfixed to the ground, mouth agape. Meteorites showered down on earth. People were running around frantically, desperate to save their own lives.

I regained my composure, and racked my brains for a solution on what I should do. However, the only thing that I can think of, is to run. Run for my life.

Instantaneously, I turned around, and ran. I ran as fast as my jelly-like legs could carry me. Death is standing right in front of me now, and any wrong step I take would lead me to it. My eyes welled up with tears, and became red. Tears trickled down my cheeks, as I thought of what else I would be able to do, if I were to survive this disaster. Pictures of my family and I spending quality time together flashed in my mind, and I began to cry even more. This may just be the last time I am going to meet them in my life. I began to sob uncontrollably. This is just too much for me to apprehend.

"BOOM!" A part from the meteor landed right in front of me, and brought me back into reality, from my thoughts.

The scene where the meteor shower took place is now down to nothing. It used be a clean and green place, with flowers, majestic buildings everywhere. However, in a blink of an eye, all that is left of the city is rubble of collapsed buildings, cars, casualties, and corpses. Many people were lying motionlessly on the ground, with blood gushing out from their wounds. Many were also trapped under the rubble.

Corpses could be seen everywhere, and soon, I will just be one of them. I just continued running, in a straight line, closing my eyes, and hoping, wishing and praying for the best.

I was worn out. I mustered the final ounce of strength in me and lumbered into a dark alley. I panted heavily, and sweat trickled down my temple. My face was covered with soot. I covered my ears, and closed my eyes, not wanting to see those distressing corpses on the streets, and not wanting to hear those frightening shrieks of hysteric people. I waited for the worst to come. Death seemed inevitable.

Minutes seem like eternity. Why not end my life now? Why not end all my miseries now? Why let me suffer and die so slowly? An avalanche of ridiculous thoughts assailed my mind. The silence was deafening.

Out of the blue, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I opened my eyes, and looked up, only to see a burly man mouthing words to me. I released my fingers from my pair of ears, but did not manage to catch anything he said.

Seeing my tear-stained but astonished face, he repeated his sentence excitedly, "It has ended! Everything has stopped! We are alive!"

Although his accent and deep panting made his sentence almost inaudible, I still got his message. I was overjoyed. Unbelievable, simply unbelievable! How could I still be alive? Nevertheless, I heaved a long, audible sigh of relief, and the tears I just had were replaced by tears of joy. I lied on the ground, staring up at the now, bright navy blue sky, and laughed to myself.

"I survived! I survived! I survived! "I shouted my lungs out, with the remaining energy and strength I had. Then, I closed my eyes, and enjoyed the peace and quiet of the overturned, damaged, yet fortunate city, Singapore.
(981 Words)

Thank you! Hope you enjoyed it.Leave a comment at the tagboard! Thanks! there are links on the website for navigation.(:

Best regards,
Mervin

2 comments:

1a2_24_anthony low ern hueh said...

i feel that your story is quite interesting and well done! i was 'attracted' to your story until the last word of the story because it was very engaging. their is a variety in the words and vocabs that you used. one such example os'magnolia white clouds'. feelings were very well described.however, i feel that it could be further improved by maybe saying that the world is getting hotter day by day, and there were many countries having disasters etc.... because for the world to just end like that is quite sudden. thks!!
anthony low

Jason Erik Lundberg said...

Mervin, I applaud your willingness to write an apocalyptic science fiction story, and there is quite a lot of action here, but right now it just seems as if it's a bunch of scenes strung together, rather than a plot that flows through the narrative. And this is compounded by the fact that much of this is told rather than shown.

My suggestion for your revision would be to start after the meteorites have begun falling, and describe the chaos and noise as the protagonist is frantically searching for his family (which is absent from your story). Give vivid descriptions of the destruction and damage done and show your narrator's state of mind as he increasingly panics about the state of his his family members.

Also, watch your verb tenses; they're inconsistent here as they alternate from past tense to present and back.